Swapnil_Diwakar_BLP037_Self_Leadership_October_2012

Inspired Leadership: 16^th October & 23^rd October 2012 : SWAPNIL DIWAKAR BLP037

We had a great learning by Anil Sir's continued sessions of Self Leadership on 16th and 23rd October 2012.

The session started with a framework on strategic decision ‘thinking’.

1.    What is the most important question
2.    Collect meaningful and reliable information
3.    Define several creative and doable alternatives
4.    Define logic for evaluation in terms of RISK & RETURNS
5.    Values & Trade offs
6.    What I need to implement it

We also came to know the term ‘Decision Analysis’ was invented by Dr. Ron Howard.

Sir also told us about innovation and creativity which is the most in a child as compared to an adult. In fact what I learnt was PAIN & FEAR makes the creativity die in most of us, also layers of conditioning kills creative mind!

CREATIVITY has NO LIMITS!

We also did few activities in class which made us realized that we have so much potential and we are restricted to use our thought process well as we had forgotten about it because we are not used to it. We should not have any fear in our life which can become potential obstacle in our learning or experience.

We answered some questions on a range of 1-10:

1.)   Whenever I try to do something new, fear of failure strikes in between

2.)   To what extent I am conscious about others

3.)   To what extent I am concerned about the ambiguity

4.)    To what extent you are concerned about time and lack of resources

The last session was all about the Ladder of Inference “Understanding Our Own Thinking and the Thinking of Others” which describes Understanding the “current realities” and Understanding the thinking of others and me.

Ladder of Inference describes one of our basic habits of mind. There are seven questions in the ladder which will help each of us to move forward in life.

1.)    Take my action based on “my beliefs”

2.)    Adopt beliefs about the world

3.)    Draw conclusions –make judgement

4.)    Assumptions based on the meaning added

5.)    Constructed meanings (Cultural and personal)

6.)    Selected “Data” from Observations

7.)    Observable “Data” and experiences (as a video recorder might  

  Capture it)

And a small activity was carried out in class in which we had to count number of times alphabet ‘F’ appeared in a sentence. We had lot of confusion and disagreement in our own class.

Hence, lesson learnt is that we can have conflicts and disagreement in small things like counting letter ‘F’ in a sentence. So what all can happen while handling bigger conflicts in life J.

The last day session of Anil Sir of Self Leadership started with the definition of “Courage” which

Was kicked off by an activity on the table among table mates in which everybody discussed on table what is courage meant to them.

Observations on my table are as follows:

1.)   Courage comes from selflessness, identification with the community

2.)   It comes from inside- the cause for which we are fighting

3.)   Extraordinary challenge- overcomes limitations

4.)  “SPARK from within”

Anil Sir shared few examples of courage and one of them was of a person who stood against the govt system. So we should also have courage to change the system wherein required. After that we have a video of world’s happiest person Matthieu Ricard.

We are running around the materialistic things which were the major difference but happiness is inside us, we should be happy irrespective of any problem or toughness in life.

We also learnt about determinant of happiness: Methodology

Regression Method:

1. Regression Method

Happiness_i  = a + b1.X1_i + b2.X2_i + .... +.

            Happiness_i  = Happiness level of person or country i

                             Xs  = potential determinant of happiness

2. Experiment

                        Measure subjects’ happiness level before and after an experiment

Determinants for Happiness can be:

1.  Religion
2.  Good Relationship
3.  Thinking Style
4.  Exercise
5.  For many Money and wealth

We could also relate Money with Happiness,

Economic Determinants of Happiness: Money & Happiness

After I got used to the overwhelming feeling, Anil Sir’s session on Self Leadership began. We spoke about ‘Immunity to Change’. He made us think about things that we want to change about ourselves. No one is perfect and at any point in time in our lives, we know that we are not happy with ourselves for whatever reason, big or small. 

I felt extremely grateful to SOIL at that moment for giving me this opportunity again and again to connect with myself and deep dive inside me to understand myself better than ever before.

I always knew the things I wanted to change about myself but was not so well aware of it all. An effective way to overcome our fears by the help of an introspective tool called Immunity X-Ray. In this we should self introspect one difficult thing which we would like to change and consistently help in making that change happen.

The session ended on a great node by practicing ‘meditation’ for around 10 minutes.

Meditation is also a way to Happiness which I learnt and can relate by Anil Sir’s class.

Truth is:

I   WANT  HAPPINESS  =  HAPPINESS

-Swapnil Diwakar BLP037 

Swapnil_Diwakar_BLP037_Happiness2012

Happiness: 10^th September 2012 : SWAPNIL DIWAKAR BLP-2013

Anil Sir’s class started with a very positive note which had a flavor of “Happiness”.

Happiness is something everyone wants to have. You may be successful and have a lot of money, but without happiness it will be meaningless.

That’s why I’m excited with this month’s Sidbari trip were the theme is “Happiness” or we can say “Finding happiness”.

We will discuss this topic all month long and I’m sure we will learn a lot. But, before we move further, it’s a good idea to get deeper understanding of the word happiness itself.

Understanding what happiness is will give us good ground upon which to build our discussions.

Let me start with an official definition. According to  Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary, here is the definition of happiness:

§  a state of well-being and contentment

§  a pleasurable or satisfying experience

Happiness can also be defined as:

“State of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy”

We must realize that for most of the problems, the solutions are often simple and obvious enough if one understands the problem clearly. Even more surprising is the fact that the solutions mostly lie in the problem itself. It is true in the case of happiness too.

Let us consider the above definition carefully. The main keyword in the definition is "want". The whole trouble starts when we want something. Every moment of our lives we keep on wanting something or the other. If we could make a list of all the things we want in our lives since childhood to death, including trivial as well as very important, all the paper in the world perhaps would not be enough for this purpose. Only a small percentage of all our wishes are fulfilled in spite of all our endeavors  The percentage of wishes, which remain unfulfilled, keeps on growing with time. 

As a result, as we grow older, we become more and more unhappy. We grow tired of life. The blessings, which our lives and the whole existence keep showering upon us, gradually lose their charm. The frustration, of failing to fulfill most of our wishes, sets in. We start feeling weighed down. The feeling that the whole life is somehow conspiring to keep us unhappy grows. Life becomes full of miseries. We keep stumbling from one failure to another.

If one does not desire anything, he has no chance of getting unhappy due to failure in fulfilling his desire.

One may argue that a life of no desires will be bereft of pleasures. That it will become colorless and dull. But this premise is not true.

As explained by Anil Sir:

Happiness: Positive Psychology

• 1        Unstated emotional expectation of those who I care about
•                  Untold or unsaid expectation towards friend/relations/wife/parents
• 2        Regret about the past
•                   I did not honor what I should have done before at that point of time.
• 3         Guilt that I carry with me.
•                   No matter how many years have passed I carry guilt in me, not only regret, its tremendous
•                   guilt which I carry

Firstly, we must realize that the world does not and cannot function as per our whims and fancies. We are too insignificant in the scheme of the existence. We can have control only over our desires and not on the factors necessary to fulfill them. During winter, we may desire that the sun shines a bit more in the sky but sun has no obligation to behave as per our desires. We may desire that every other human being around us acts in such a way that his acts do not hurt us at all and only make us happy, but the other person has his own desires and compulsions and he will act accordingly. We may desire that whenever we ask for something we get it, but the person or the force that has the power to grant our wishes may not wish to do so or may not be able to do so because of his or its own compulsions. 

Are we ourselves always willing or able to fulfill the demands of others around us? If not, then how can we hope that our demands must always be fulfilled? In fact if we pause to consider it carefully then it will become obvious that there always is more probability of our desires not getting fulfilled. Then why keep desiring constantly and exposing ourselves to unhappiness?

Secondly, it is a blunder on our part that we consider happiness and pleasure to be the same. They are not same. Pleasure is there all around us for the taking. Since we have become obsessed with our desires we have ceased to notice sources of pleasure and as a consequence fail to grab it when it is available. Pleasure is the essence which we extract from things we have. We may desire to visit the most beautiful sea beach in the world. When we are finally able to make it to that beach we feel happy. This happiness is the consequence of the fulfillment of our desire. But when we look at the waves rushing towards us, at the golden sand spread over a large area, the wind on our faces, the riot of colors in the sky while sun is setting or rising, the feel of sea water on our skin, what we feel is pleasure. To derive pleasure it is not at all necessary to desire. When we pass along the green fields while travelling, we do feel pleasure looking at them though we had not specifically "desired" to see them. When we look at anything beautiful we feel pleasure.

Pleasure is always around us without our asking for it. It is not a consequence of our ambitions and endeavors, it is simply waiting all around for us to pause and pay attention. It is only that we are always so obsessed with our desires and wishes and the struggle to fulfill them that we have forgotten how to pleasure ourselves. Almost all of the time we live inside our minds, either making plans to fulfill our present desires or ruing the desires which could not be fulfilled and in this process miss out all the pleasures lying all around us.

Thirdly, we do derive pleasure when our desires are fulfilled but for every desire fulfilled there are numerous others that remain unfulfilled. We have to consider carefully whether we are not paying too high a price, in terms of all the frustrations we experience as a result of failures, for a few fulfilled desires. If the answer is yes, then the conclusion is obvious.

Actually, happiness and unhappiness are two sides of the same coin. They are part of the same package. If one asks for one he leaves him susceptible to the other. The desire for happiness is like asking only for the light and not for darkness. But there is not much difference between light and darkness. It is matter of degree only. We choose and therefore get disappointed. What we should do is only look for the pleasures all around us. Whatever comes our way we should try to extract all the pleasure possible from it.

The root cause of all our unhappiness is DESIRE.

If one can STOP desiring, if one can take life as it comes, then only one can be free of unhappiness.

~Swapnil Diwakar

Swapnil_Diwakar_BLP037_Self Leadership_September2012

Inspired Leadership: 10^th September 2012 : SWAPNIL DIWAKAR BLP-2013

Each session by Anil Sir inspires us a lot ....

The 6 layer model of Self awareness was re-introduced which includes:

• 1.) Body, Perception -> Diversity
• 2.) Instinct, Reaction -> Information
• 3.) Relationship/Emotions, The mind -> Compassion
• 4.) Intellect, Choices -> Ethics’
• 5.) Ego-Values/Habit/Fear -> Wisdom
• 6.) Life giving forces, Truth -> Mindfulness

1^st activity of the day was carried out is a group of 5 were suppose to share our thought on the incident occurred in which we lost two of our beloved friends Rahul & Gaurav.

While thinking for while, the 1^st think which came into my mind is nothing is permanent in life, even feeling for anyone. We met Rahul and Gaurav about three and a half months back and shared a very close bond of friendship with each of them.

On 3^rd September life took a complete different turn and we all found that god loved them more than us. Since last one week we were very disturbed and realised that there are many things in life which is beyond our control. Being human you can show your feeling, react on them and even suffer because of them, but you have no control over them.

The reality of life in death! It’s really difficult to cope up with.

Their memories will always be with us and for us they will always exist. Life moves on and will move with taking them along. We will try to fulfil their dreams and I am sure that they will always be smiling and shower their blessing from heaven.

Nothing is permanent

Few things are beyond our control

Pain of others impacts us

We have to learn to live in the present – Live every date with focus on what is important

Trauma -> Denial -> Anger ->

Emotional drain -> Time healing -> Memories -> Celebrate

The present -> Express love!

Crisis create  

Life is brief and tender

Before I die ... campaign, carried out over public place to share their emotions and wish.

Listen -> Present and listen

Put yourself into shoes of speaker, and understand both content (thoughts) and emotional aspect (Feelings)

Sym –pathy  : Along with    <->   Em – pathy  : Into

Once you have listen, understood, and then empathic towards someone.

All in one is called as TRUST

Trust is build over Respect -> Accepting uniqueness

Best way to communicate is eyes, show generosity

Self-understanding

·         Inspired -> Best work

·         Despair -> do not live by potential

Appreciative Inquiry (AI):  We were asked some very simple questions, the impact of the answers of which was to be found out later.

• ·         When were you at your best in SOIL?
• ·         What happened, who all were involved?
• ·         What was special about the experience?

The whole class was divided into pairs and each one in a pair was given a specific time to tell the answer to his/her partner. Once it was done, the pairs were told to paraphrase their counterparts’ answers and that’s where the impact of the activity started to show. The answers were documented & categorized in two parts so as to know the positive attributes of both the individuals and SOIL as an entity. The bigger picture or the purpose of the task could have been easily understood, once it was done and that is the beauty of the Appreciative Inquiry.

Suggested Activities:

Carnegie Mellon video

Matthieu Ricard video (Why are you called the happiest man in the world)

Happiness: Positive Psychology

1.    Unstated emotional expectation of those who I care about

Untold or unsaid expectation towards friend/relations/wife/parents

2.    Regret about the past

I did not honour what I should have done before at that point of time.

3.    Guilt that I carry with me.

No matter how many years have passed I carry guilt in me, not only regret, its tremendous guilt which I carry

~Swapnil Diwakar

Swapnil_Diwakar_BLP037_SelfLeadership_May2012

Inspired Leadership: May 2012 : SWAPNIL DIWAKAR BLP037

Learning Journey .....

We had a kick start today with Anil’s sir session on Self Leadership.

The session started with forgetting the past mile stones covered ad emphasising on the upcoming time.

Anil Sir, a self motivated and profound leader made an aroma which involved each one of us.

"An alter in your LIFE,

         will alter your LIFE”

Question popped out in my mind .... !

Who am I?

What do you want to achieve in life?

What are my values?

What can i contribute? ... And so on ...

The 6 layer model of Self awareness was introduced which includes:

• 1.) Body, Perception -> Diversity
• 2.) Instinct, Reaction -> Information
• 3.) Relationship/Emotions, The mid -> Compassion
• 4.) Intellect, Choices -> Ethics’
• 5.) Ego-Values/Habit/Fear -> Wisdom
• 6.) Life giving forces, Truth -> Mindfulness

Representation to 6 layer model:

  

A leader can only be inspiring and successful once all the above is aligned which is the state of ‘Karisma’. When one follow the cause and align all 6, they get extra ordinary power.

“Reaction is NOT leadership,

       Respond is leadership”

It’s all about making right choices in life for the right cause.

One more very important and a key to success is to be a good ‘Listener’.

The great listener is one who can state what you imply but not, what you have spoken.

I never had a clue that 90% of the communication can be attend by eye.

It was a session which overall changed the way of thinking and being a inspired leader, Hope it goes along with me for long.

Key to success:  Observation -> Listening -> Communicate

Suggested Reading:

"Many Lives, Many Masters" by Dr. Brian Weiss

"Fourth Eye" by Pradip N. Khandwalla

~Swapnil Diwakar